KRZYSZTOF PERCHLICKI
Perks Programmer — Your Company's Secret Weapon
Deploying to production on Friday? No problem.
Hire Me (Before Everything Burns) 🔥
// actual footage from production
Perks Programmer — Your Company's Secret Weapon
Deploying to production on Friday? No problem.
Hire Me (Before Everything Burns) 🔥
// actual footage from production
...usually. Externally, at least.
The remaining 1% is energy drinks.
Peak productivity hours, honestly.
It's always DNS. Always.
Putting out fires before they even start... usually. When your production server is melting down, I'm the one calmly sipping coffee and typing `kubectl rollback`.
Bringing ancient, crusty codebases back from the dead. That PHP 4 monolith from 2003? I've seen worse. Probably wrote some of it.
Real-time server rescue operations. While others panic, I deploy. Incident response time: however long it takes to finish my coffee.
He fixed our server while literally everything was on fire. Not metaphorically. The server room was actually burning. Absolute legend.
My stress levels dropped by 80% after hiring Krzysztof. Mostly because now he's the one getting paged at 3 AM instead of me.
I showed him a bug that had haunted us for 6 months. He fixed it in 20 minutes. Then he found 12 more bugs we didn't know existed.
Hired him to fix one microservice. He refactored our entire architecture and it actually works now. Send help.